it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
