Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
