you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
