dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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