Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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