She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
false alarm, still single
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
