Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
