can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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