Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
