my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
