ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
