I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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