i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
