OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My balls are so social today.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
