M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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