why didn't you poke me back
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
