? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
