He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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