I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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