Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
