If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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