I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
