something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
