i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
