Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
