you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
