Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
