do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I touched a dick in church today
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
