i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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