the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
