(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
