bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
