I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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