just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
