So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
