then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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