There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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