so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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