I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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