Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
