Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
