I just saw a hot homeless man
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
