Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
