There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
