She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
