last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
