but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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