return my video game
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
