He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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