Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
